Being a Family Dad

So why would an article called "Being a Family Dad" focus on mothers? After working with lots of dads, I’m beginning to think we could all use some reminders about why we should devote ourselves to nurturing our kids’ moms.

What it boils down to is pretty simple: If your kids’ mom is doing well, your life is going to be dramatically improved. For instance, if you come home from work and your wife is at her wits end, it’s going to be hard for her to settle down and listen while you unload your stress of the day. Sure, you need someone to be understanding and supportive. But try to resist that temptation to get her immediate attention. Hold off until you find out how your wife and family are doing. Why not tend to their needs first? You’ll probably get rewarded many times over with a wife who is not only happier, but much more eager and able to be supportive of you at other times. Sure, your boss was a jerk and some guy at work used your ideas and passed them off as his own, and then there was the guy who cut you off on the drive home – and BOY are you steamed. But coming home every day and expecting your wife to be understanding of all this sets the stage for disappointment and anger in everyone.

Another good reason to talk about mothers is because your relationship with your kids’ mom will serve as one of the most important ways your children will learn about relationships. By watching you and your wife interact, they’ll learn important lessons about caring, compassion, and love. What better way to teach them about these things than by living it? And by setting good examples, you’ll be increasing the odds that your relationship with your wife is a good one. Of course nothing is perfect and we’re all going to have our off days. But by being understanding and by sometimes putting those you love – especially your wife -- ahead of yourself, it’s a good bet that when you ask for her cooperation and understanding, you’ll get it

Nobody likes to feel that they are giving all the time and that they’re never getting anything back. Even if you’re lucky enough to be with one of those angels who can’t ever seem to do enough for you, it’s important to insist she lets you do things for her, too. This very well might take a little extra thought and time on your part – but when you consider the result, I think you’ll agree that it’s really worth it. So how do you start? I think it’s by being willing to stop, ask, and listen to your wife. She can probably tell you what would make her feel loved and special. You could also do some simple things on your own like bringing her coffee or tea in bed. Or by leaving a little note telling her how much she means to you. You could even put that note somewhere you know she’ll see it later in the day, like in her car or on her shopping list. Wouldn’t your wife get a real kick out of that? She probably would and it will make her feel loved and cared about. And isn’t that something most people want to feel? If your wife senses that you care about the things that make her feel special, your entire family will ultimately benefit. By the way, there’s a wonderful book by Gregory J.P. Godek called "1001 ways to be Romantic." It’s filled with all sorts of fun and simple ideas to perk up your marriage and make each other feel great.

Expressing your love, care, and appreciation will trickle down to your children, too. If you’re comfortable expressing these feelings, then it’s very likely your kids will be comfortable showing those kinds of feelings, too. And can there be anything quite as rewarding as your child thanking you for your care, involvement, love, or attention? It is important to encourage and praise all of this care and attention on a day-to-day basis. Children thrive on praise, recognition, and encouragement. Their self-esteem and confidence will grow, and with that, their accomplishments. The same ideas hold true for our wives. Should we ever stop trying to build self-confidence, interest, or love? No way. Life is truly a process of continual growth and learning. If we remember that, our love and rewards will surely grow.

©Joshua Kates