Father's Day All Year 'Round

Father’s Day comes once a year. While it’s a really wonderful day, dads who work hard and who are involved in their families’ lives might like to be recognized on other days, too. And that’s because just like everyone else in the family, dads need support, recognition, and approval every day. Sure, birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions should be celebrated in their own right, but why can’t dads be acknowledged every day? For that matter, why can’t each day be a day we celebrate something? The fact of the matter is that if we choose to, almost every day can be an important day to celebrate or recognize someone or something.

If we encourage the concept of appreciation and recognition throughout the year, a lot of nice things can happen. Not only will everyone in our families develop an appreciation and understanding of each other’s efforts, talents, and abilities, they’ll develop the ability to communicate that appreciation, too. And who doesn’t like to hear what a great job they did? Or how well they did on a test, or at a sporting event? Communicating this kind of recognition can actually help develop the drive and motivation to achieve and do more. Even little gestures of appreciation can help promote motivation and enthusiasm. It really doesn’t take much effort to say things like, "Hey! Great job cleaning up, thanks for pitching in," or, "You really showed great patience helping your brother with his homework, thank you." Statements like these will go a long way to help everyone feel like they are worthy and deserving.

That’s actually a big part of being a parent - making sure that our kids feel capable, involved, and recognized. And who better to hear encouragement, recognition, or compliments from than their parents? As parents, we have more potential to build our children’s emotional development than anyone else. So let’s remember to share ourselves. Seek out the moment to moment experiences that beg to be praised and nurtured. Make a point to look for things to acknowledge. Yes, it takes time, thought, and effort. But what you’ll get back in return is immeasurable and permanent. And you’ll know that your efforts are paying off when you start to see and feel that praise and recognition from everyone in your family.

Lots of parents were never taught to nurture, encourage, or praise others. It just wasn’t built into their family’s structure. So why would they magically behave this way as adults? While maybe you weren’t encouraged to act this way growing up, you can certainly develop these wonderful habits now. Try making a little toast at dinner about something – “here’s to love and togetherness!” – what’s wrong with something as simple as that? Or try toasting a good grade on a test – even just a good effort. And it’s not even so terrible to toast yourself – “Here’s to me, the dad who got home in time for dinner even though the boss was pressuring me to stay late!” That sends a message of love and devotion, too.

Changing or improving any behavior can be a little awkward at first. But even though no one’s used to you praising or complimenting them, once you get the hang of it, you might really start to enjoy giving and getting praise and recognition. A kind of funny anecdote about this from one dad I worked with is that when he started complimenting his family, he began getting responses like, "Oh? What do YOU want?" – especially from his wife. But he hung in there and persistently stated that he just wanted to make sure everyone knew how proud he was and how much he loved them.

If you’d like to change some of the ways you communicate, remember that habits and behavior like communication are learned over time. And in order to change, we need to first become more observant and aware of how we currently think and behave. You can start the process of behavioral change by slowing down your reaction time a little. Don’t be in such a rush to respond or to make your point. Take a couple of extra seconds to think about events as they happen. How do you want your next statement or response to be perceived? Try to decide if what you’re about to say or do will fit with what you want to communicate. If you take the time to slow down the whole thought process, you’ll become much more aware of everything. This is a form of behavior modification which is best achieved in steps. If you are interested in changing other habits or more extreme behaviors, there are many good therapists who can help guide you or your family.

People are always amazed at the instant rewards of becoming more observant, nurturing and supportive of their families. Of course it’s not always easy to be supportive and positive – especially if you’ve had a lousy day, your life is filled with typical stresses, or there’s an even more serious issue at hand. But let’s remember what our priorities are and keep focused on the most important job we have: raising our kids and loving our families.

Recommended Reading: "Teaching your Children Joy" by Linda and Richard Eyre.

©Joshua Kates